How to prepare for war, if you want peace.
Okay, here is a list for you of various techniques to “prepare for anxiety war” if you want peace and relief from anxiety. Not that you have to be at war with your anxiety, but that you have to set up good habits in your life even when you are not anxious so that even when you do have anxious moments, you will be better prepared to manage them.
And, I know it sucks because it is hard work and we all wish that there was just a pill to “cure you” from anxiety. Well, there isn’t (do not listen to the psychiatrists who say there is), so we are going to roll up our sleeves and work to better manage our anxiety. Clearly, it’s worth it, isn’t it?
Also, don’t think that you have to do ALL OF IT, I certainly for one, don’t do all of them all the time, I am not a superwoman, okay!? Not to mention that some of them are pricey, but of course the more effort the better results, like pretty much every skill you try to develop. I know habits can be a bit hard forming, but with some effort, it is 100% possible to develop any habit you want. There are tons of books on the topic so check here or here.
Finally, I am not a doctor or a health professional so go see a doctor or a health professional first if you suffer from chronic anxiety or panic attacks! In fact, that’s my first list item.
For peacetime:
1. Go see a health care professional, but don’t accept everything they say literally.
Okay so this is a must and a first one to do in case you’ve experienced a few severe panic attacks and/or chronic and debilitating anxiety. Get some help. But who to see? It depends on who you trust for care. It could be a family doctor, a GP, or in most severe cases could be a psychiatrist. One thing to know when you see those professionals is that their bias will be to offer medication for your anxiety, your panic attack or your depressive symptoms. If this is what you think is necessary at this moment, then good. If you feel uncomfortable with medication or feel like they haven’t given you enough information to make an informed decision, follow that instinct. Take the time to decide whether this is what you need or there are other alternatives you could try. Medication is NOT the only treatment option for anxiety, depression and panic attack, so think carefully and understand the incentives of your GP or psychiatrist.
2. Go see the right Psychotherapist, and take your time to find one both competent and that you really like
A longer-term solution and I would say a must if you want to address your anxiety, depression or panic attacks is to go see a psychotherapist. There are many psychotherapists out there, I strongly recommend psychotherapists trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). CBT and ACT have been evaluated by many rigorous evaluations as the therapy of choice for anxiety and depression. If you want you can also explore other options, it is a personal choice. I think you should take your decisions according to two factors :
- Does this therapist have experience with people suffering from anxiety, depression, panic attacks? What is their track record (i.e. people feeling like those symptoms have reduced)? Obviously, this will be a biased answer but if your therapist is honest they should let you know about this.
- Do you feel comfortable with and trust that person? It is a bit of a painful process but you have to “test out” different therapists to see if you feel comfortable with the person. Do not stay if, for any reason, you do not feel him/her. It doesn’t matter why you don’t feel comfortable or why you don’t like them or their method. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like their haircut, their breath or even the room. I left my previous ones because the windows in her consultation room had bars that reminded me of prison. It’s silly but it doesn’t matter. You have to create a trusting and caring relationship and environment for this to work. And if it’s your first therapist, you are likely to stay for the wrong reasons. A therapist is like a romantic relationship, if it’s your first one, you might be scared to leave because you don’t know if anyone else will be better for you out there. Let me tell you, yes, 100% yes, someone will be better suited for you out there, so leave if your instinct tells you to.
3. Practice Meditation every day, I know it sounds like hard work but this one is really worth it in the long term
To me, this is an absolute must if you are serious about trying to find a longer-term “treatment” to anxiety, panic attacks or depression, that is not mediCation. MediTation is about reframing the way you think and the way you approach or get involved with your thoughts. This is super important since anxiety, panic or depression are all linked with how you engage with certain thoughts you have about yourself and the world. There are tons of resources out there, books, audiobooks, training, apps, etc. My only advice would be to try with some guided form of training (with apps or training such as MBSR or MBCT) at the start, rather than register for a 10-day silent retreat right away without having done any sort of training before.
Like physical exercise, you can’t train your mental muscles if you don’t exercise regularly. And yes, it is some efforts but let’s face it, we’re gonna have to work if we want to keep our anxiety at distance, especially if we’re not a big fan of the idea of taking medication for the rest of our life.
So breath deep and get on your meditation pillow.
4. Exercise regularly, all kind of sports you fancy but privilege slower sports like Yoga
A natural anxiolytics that won’t give you any sort of bad side effects (but that might be slightly addictive) is exercise. Exercise is a great way to release tension and anxiety accumulated during the day and give your body a bit of a sweat and your mind a bit of a break. Of course, you have the find the sport that you enjoy. Maybe if you’re anxious, the high- intensity sports, like lifting weights at the gym while making grunts sounds, might not be the best for you. Try slower sports, like yoga, to both work you out but also relax you.
5. Read books, and not just the self-help ones, the fun ones too
If you like self-help books in general, you’ll probably want to turn to books to provide you with any advice, help, and wisdom on anxiety and how to manage it. That can’t hurt and there are lots of great books out there. I recommend especially the book on CBT for anxiety that you can use to do self-CBT (see here)
But you don’t have to read only self-help books. Thank god. Actually, a great source of relief and to find joy back in life is to read good novels. Novels also help you take perspective on your life by taking you away from your own problems, into some other people’s life (and problems).
6. Let those thoughts on paper, how journaling is not just for little girls
Journaling has some serious therapeutic virtues for people with anxiety, or depression. Here are three types of journaling you can do that have been shown to lessen the worries and negative thoughts.
- Daily journal: Write about events of daily life to help you with getting a more “truthful” recollection of your life. We all have distorted memory and tend to either only remember the bad stuff or to forget about the bad stuff, which can both contribute to anxious thoughts. This one can be kept short and factual.
- Emotional journal: Write those emotional events, situations and days where you’ve felt emotional (good or bad). You can just write how you felt or whatever you want to tell that piece of paper. This helps to offload some of those upsetting feelings or thoughts onto paper to avoid obsessing over them.
- CBT journal: This type of journaling is about recording negative beliefs and negative thoughts that tend to circle in your head and are distortions of reality (e.g. I am gonna fail this presentation and make a fool of myself). Record them on paper and then challenge them with positive thoughts through either evidence, logic, experience. There are some real CBT techniques that you can find online, or I would recommend this book (here)
- Letters to yourself: This one I actually love. A letter to yourself is a short 1-2 page letter (and yes, you have to start with “Dear [your name]”) in which you pretend that you are reassuring a very close friend with all the love, care and compassion you are capable of, except that very close friend is you. In the letter, you have to address all sources of your fear and anxiety, or all the negative thoughts that circle around your head. You have to dispute those negative thoughts with rational and positive thoughts (yes, it is based on CBT techniques). Most importantly you have to do it in a patient and kind tone as if you were trying to reassure a close friend. Print the letter and read it as many times as you need, every day if you must. I used this technique for example, during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic crisis to manage my anxiety.
7. Rely on your social network a lot, I am not talking about Facebook, but real people in real life
This is the last of the list, but one of the most important. You DON’T have to go through this alone. I know you don’t want to be the “burden” of your friends, your partner or your family, but you need to know when to rely on and reach out to people around you. I can bet that you’re the type of person who would always do everything for others so, assume that people around you would do the same. There is nothing wrong with being here for each other in times of toughness. That is what friends or family are here for.
Open up to people around you and I assure you, you will be shocked by the number of your friends around you who are suffering or have suffered from similar issues in their lives. Talk about it with them and ask about their experiences and advice. Knowing that you are not alone in this, that you can feel understood will go a long way. If you are having a really low point, depression or anxiety, talk about it with a close friend, they might be able to help giving it some perspective, calm or motivate you, or support you in seeking professional help.
For wartime
Okay, let’s say you’ve been a diligent student (Have you? Have you?) and done all of those things. You’ve been talking about your issue with friends and receiving support from them, you’ve been seeing a psychotherapist and other health professionals specialized in anxiety regularly and you, of course, meditate and do some light exercise EVERY DAY (yeah right?). Then I have shocking news for you: You still won’t be magically cured of your anxiety! You might experience some periods where either depression or anxiety shoots up or even panic attacks threaten to blow up again.
You know why? because you are a HUMAN, and humans have high and lows, yes even your most bubbly friend. Your highs and lows are probably expressed in terms of anxiety, depression or panic attacks. So what to do in those cases where you’re losing it and it’s too late, anxiety or panic is knocking at your door, ready to enter home? Here are different options you can try:
1. Surrender to it and let it pass
I have a feeling you’re not going to like the first one: “Really, that’s your magical technique?? Better said than done”. No, but seriously I’ve tried all of the other techniques below and I found that one of the most effective techniques is to really “surrender” to your attack or anxiety moment. Don’t try to fight it, calm yourself down or do some breathing exercise, embrace it, all the sensations and thoughts of it. Know at the bottom of your heart that this very unpleasant experience will pass like all of the other episodes before.
Some psychologists even suggest that when you completely surrender to the anxiety and let yourself “flood” with anxiety and then let it pass. That can be a great treatment for diminishing your attacks or anxiety, it’s called “exposure therapy”, check it out. For this to work, you really have to surrender to the anxiety until it calms itself. Try to not avoid or walk away from the source of your anxiety (including by not trying to distract yourself or calm you down). For the bravest, try it, I promise it sounds crazy but it works.
2. Use deep breathing and SOS meditation
Okay, let’s say if you don’t want to surrender to extremely unpleasant thoughts and feelings, such as: “I’m about to die” type, I can understand you. In those cases, you can try SOS meditation or deep breathing exercises. The aim will be to force your mind to focus on your body, to calm both.
The classic breathing techniques to help you relax quickly is to inhale for 4, hold your breathing for 4, and then exhale for 7, or for as long as you can. It works even better when you use alternate nostril breathing, where you inhale from the right nostril, hold it at the top and then exhale with the left nostril.
This is an ancient breathing technique that has been used for decades now in Hindu and Buddhist traditions. SOS meditations follow similar principles. You first do some deep breathing and then you try to focus on one specific body part or the contact of one body part with the chair/floor, to keep you grounded in the present and in your body.
3. Distract yourself
One way to keep your mind from thinking in a circle is to have it focuses on something that will take all your mental attention. You can listen to a podcast, talk to or call a friend, do some mental calculations (as fun as it sounds!), or play a game on your phone. Do something that occupies all of your minds. If you have panicky thoughts while doing the task, mentally note them and come back to your distraction task. This is, no joke, how candy crush saved me from a massive panic attack I was having at the airport.
4. Pop a pill
Finally, if nothing else has worked or you feel too panicky or anxious to try any of the above techniques, you can take a small anxiolytic (Xanax, Valium, and co.). The effects are immediate, nothing to add here. Maybe just that it is worth at least trying the other techniques listed above before because it might not be the last episode you will be having. If you get used to taking a pill every time you experience them, it might not be great in the long term (side effects and risk of addiction!). Once in a while, that is acceptable: these pills were designed for that purpose.
25 & Anxious 
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